Member Stories

Why Am I Here? 07.10.10 - Moving On

“Well we’re here today to do a colposcopy because . . . you know . . . you tested positive for HPV” was how the doctor greeted me at our second meeting.  This was the first I had heard the news and was the first time in my life I’d had an STD.  I was devastated, confused, upset, and lying on the exam table with my legs in the air.  As I tried to hide my emotions and wipe away tears of frustration the doctor walked out and the nurse handed me a flyer “All you need to know about HPV” like it was no big deal; like she was validating my parking.

I came across this attitude lots over the next year while dealing with HPV, doctors who see it daily and patients who don’t – wanting guidance, answers, and support.  Most of the time the only answer a doctor gave me was, ‘I don’t have an answer’.  And there's much to still learn about HPV, but I felt so alone and in the dark.

I had a LEEP surgery just two months after being diagnosed, followed by a normal but HPV positive pap, then an abnormal and HPV positive pap, and finally a normal and HPV negative pap.  The news came exactly one year to date after my initial diagnosis.   Just as mysteriously as it came, it left; but what it left was not so mysterious.  Over that year I dealt with depression, insecurity, loss of trust, loss of friends, and anger towards men.  Today I am much more knowledgeable and hope to help others going through what, for me, was such a difficult time.  In the end it was the non-judgment, patience, and loving support of my very closest friends and family that got me through it. 

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